This picture was taken today, so a bit more recent than the last posting. I know I said it before, but aren’t they beautiful? It was a rare few moments today, when S was in a good mood and AB was in a good mood, and Mama was in a good mood – all at the same time! I had to grab the camera, because the moments were too precious not to document. Of course S did his “cheesy grin” face, and “spoiled” half the pictures, but what can you do? Mema says to just take the picture anyway, since the “cheesy grin” is who he is right now. So, I did.

I’ve had a few contemplative moments lately. It’s been a long time since I felt willing and able to contemplate anything more than what to feed S for lunch. I can slowly feel my “inner” self reviving from a long nap, and it’s about time. Poor S has borne the brunt of a “non-contemplative” Mama lately, and honestly so has AB. S probably feels the effects more than AB, but I can’t ignore that a bad mood will affect my infant too. Anyway, I’ve realized several times this week that I need to be more patient, and that the days go by far too fast with way too many mistakes in them. And most of those mistakes are not my son’s mistakes. My reactions to his actions have often been harsh, and I’ve seen him look wounded one too many times. So it was time for some Mama time-outs, and some more prayer and contemplation in this house.

Which, honestly, has been difficult to make happen, since we are in “chaos mode”, getting ready for a trip to CO and NE. I have a lot to do in the next two days, but hopefully with help from Grandma tomorrow, it will all come together without too much stress and worry. The boys are both sleeping right now, and I’m taking a “lunch break” (at 3:30 p.m.). In a few minutes I need to get up and unload/reload the dishwasher, and do the same to the washing machine. I also need to go de-contaminate my bathroom. It’s been FAR too long since the bathroom saw any cleaning products, and if I don’t get in there soon, I may as well just throw in a grenade. I knew it would be difficult to keep up with everything after the baby arrived, but this goes beyond ridiculous.

Just typing the last few sentences gave me a boost. Time to get a move on…

Aren’t they beautiful?

This picture was taken when AB was about two or three weeks old, so it’s really pretty outdated, as far as baby pictures go. Amazing what 2 months of growing will do for an infant.

And S is growing fast too, although not so much in stature, as in everything else! He is talking better every day, thanks in part I’m sure to the “no more sippy cups” advice we received. And he is willing to work on his speech, without getting frustrated. He watches my mouth so intently when I’m trying to get him to mimic a sound or a word. At this point, he seems able to create ALL sounds, if we encourage him. It’s just a matter of breaking his habits of not finishing words, and using the wrong sounds. (Like “guppy” for puppy – he CAN say puppy – he just got in the habit of saying guppy. Interestingly enough, a “doggy” is a “goggy” in his world. So, it’s guppies and goggies…hehe). Yesterday we watched “Mary Poppins”, but only after 10 minutes of him asking me for a specific movie, and me shaking my head in frustration. I just could NOT understand what he wanted to watch. The sound was something like “ga guppence”. Once I figured it out, we practiced saying “Mary Poppins”, and he can say it a lot better now. He still reverted back to “ga guppence” about half the time, and the “Mary” is pretty hard for him to say, but he has “Poppins” down really well.

Ok, that was a tangent! I’m glad I wrote it though, because eventually the day will come when we can’t remember his cute little speech “issues”. I was worried for awhile that he might have some lasting speech problems, but I’m starting to feel more reassured that it’s just a matter of us working on it with him. He truly has the desire, and we give him lots of accolades when he tries. It’s just amazing to me what “sponges” kids are. I know I just said it, but he watches me SO intently. It can be a little unnerving to think about how many unconcious things he picks up just by being around me, and how many bad habits I have that he is seeing every day, and taking for granted as normal. It’s especially diffucult right now with an infant. And the pregnancy was a difficult time, and the year before that was awful too. Poor kid is spending the majority of his formation years in the midst of change and stress and upheaval. Lots of the stress is “good” nowadays, but it’s still there. I guess I should start putting money aside every month for his eventual therapy bills. On his 18th birthday, I can give him a gift of a “therapy fund”. Especially for you, son, from your crazy, sometimes lazy, “I DID really try hard to do it right” Mama.

Ok, more later…

Last night, Baby AB slept for an entire 8 hours in a row. 8 hours is generally recommended as the amount of time an average person should sleep every night. I can’t remember the last time I had 8 hours of uninterupted sleep. It was probably over a year ago, before baby and before pregnancy and before moving to Las Vegas. It’s been one long year of sleep deprivation, really. I looked it up today, just out of curiosity… this is what sleep deprivation can do to a person:

“People who don’t get enough sleep may lack energy, be depressed or irritable, have trouble remembering everyday things, and get sick more often than people who get enough sleep. They seem to age faster and they may have problems concentrating at work or school. Some scientists believe a lack of sleep may have a role in diabetes, high blood pressure, heart problems, and even obesity. “

Umm..yea, that’s my life in one descriptive paragraph. As I’m sure it’s yours if you have any children under the age of say 5 years old. I am sure HOPING it gets better as the kids get older. I do expect to be able to REALLY sleep again in my lifetime, and I would like it to be sooner rather than later.

Of all the adjustments to parenthood, this has probably been the most difficult. With my older son S, it wasn’t AS bad, because #1, there was just one child in the house, and #2, he was a better sleeper (because he was adopted at 2.5 months of age, and I didn’t have to go through the early stage of feeding every 2 hours). With Baby AB, I have to bluntly say that it’s been ROUGH. I had a tough pregnancy, during which I probably had maybe 3 or 4 good nights of sleep (but definitely NOT 8 hours at a time!). And since AB’s birth, I don’t think I’ve managed to sleep longer than 5 hours at one time. And I can count the times that has happened on 1 1/2 hands.

But, I see light at the end of the tunnel. I forsee a time very soon when I’ll get 6, 7, and maybe 8 hours of sleep again. It will be up to me to be disciplined though. I will have to go to bed when AB does, since crazy S likes to get up at the crack of dawn. It will mean putting my laptop down, turning off the TV, and crawling in to bed before I’m “ready”. But, if I want to reverse the irritable, stressed out, depressed, unfocused rut I’m in, I better plan on it. Otherwise, I’m standing in line for diabetes and more heart trouble. Cause everything else on the “symptoms/consquences list”, I already have…

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