Martha and I made it to six months, plus a week or so, with exclusive nursing (or almost exclusive, since we started her on fruits and veggies in the 5th month). It was not always easy, it was not always convenient, but we did it.
In hindsight, it’s so hard to know if it really WAS the best thing I could do for her – given the fact that she started losing weight (or not gaining), and I started losing my hair and have not been in good health the entire time, BUT… we did it. I have such mixed feelings about the whole subject, and it’s such a touchy subject to discuss with other bf’ing moms, who often have very militant thoughts about it. I really, really wanted to make it to a year with her, but there just was no way I could justify my health (and hers) by continuing. When your cardiologist tells you that you should quit, to be less at risk for stroke and bleeding in the brain… well, yeah – duh. So, now we’re done, and I’m on strong BP meds and hoping to get my strength and energy back.
I haven’t done any research on it, but it seems to me that there is a little grieving period during weaning. I’m sure most women would agree that they experienced grief at the letting go of this precious time, but I think there is also a grief that the baby experiences. Martha was not herself when we went through this process, and there were several times where it seemed like she was just so SAD. She would grab at my shirt, and clench it tight, and try to pull on it… and she would then give up… and then repeat the process. Her little eyes looked up at me like, WHY???, when I couldn’t/wouldn’t give in and feed her. It was such a blessing to have my mother here to help, because I am not sure I could have done it every day alone. I know I would have wanted to break down and just feed her, and then we would have never gotten anywhere. The fact that we needed to do it quickly probably didn’t help either, but it could have been much worse.
Thankfully, she and I are both recovering from the transition, and she is now a little more cuddly with daddy and others, which is a nice change for everyone. She has been SUCH a Mama’s girl for these last six months, and we are all appreciating the difference. I get a little bit of a break now and then, and Daddy gets some bonding time with his little girl.
Now to wait it out to be sure that I don’t need heart surgery. I go in for a procedure on the 22nd to confirm the newest doctors’ opinion that I do NOT need to have my VSD (a hole between the ventricles) repaired. I’m not looking forward to the procedure, as it requires them to put me under and go down my throat with a scope, but if it tells them that I don’t need surgery – well, then I need to do this!
More later – time for lunch!
